“Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was written by Frank Loesser in 1944. In his original notes, Loesser wrote the female part as “Mouse” and the male part as “Wolf” for himself and his wife to perform at parties. Listening to the song today it does seem like a predator and its prey although for its time the song is actually pretty progressive. Spending a night at a boyfriend’s house would have been scandalous at the time which was shown by the constant comments she makes about what her family might think. The song normalizes spending a night with a partner, something radical for its time.
However, today, in a time of the #MeToo movement, it comes across as a creepy song that encourages assault. The lyrics make it seem like a man trying to manipulate his girlfriend into staying when she just wants to leave. Throughout the song, she says that she needs to get home, but he’s disagreeing and arguing that it’s too cold outside for her to go. It could be said that she wants him to persuade her but that’s what’s so creepy about the song: its ambiguity. It teaches generations of young men that women want to be persuaded, and that if they don’t say no it probably means yes. In reality, we should teach the message that only “yes means yes.” When it comes to consent, anything less than a “yes” becomes assault. When the woman says, “I need to leave,” he should have said, “I don’t want you to get hurt in the snow but I understand if this is where you want the evening to end.” He should have let her go instead of manipulating her into staying.
You can read the song two ways: a woman who wants to stay but is afraid of what her family will say if she spends the night; or a woman trying to make polite excuses and reasons for why she has to leave and a man completely ignoring her. In some lines of the song, they have cute interactions and it seems flirty, while at other parts of the song it seems a lot like date rape. At one point she even asks, “Say what’s in this drink?” He quickly deflects and the audience never finds out if he slipped her something or not. This isn’t cute. It’s assault.
You can visualize the song two ways: a couple gazing in each other’s eyes and curling up or a girl trying to leave and awkwardly walking to the door while he pulls her back and kisses her. “My sister will be suspicious (gosh your lips look delicious)…My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious (gosh your lips are delicious)” She’s trying to make reasons for leaving and he’s kissing her. It’s unclear from the song if she ever consented to the kiss. Another part of the song points to a very toxic relationship when the man tries to act like the victim, “how can you do this thing to me?” This is so manipulative and wrong. It’s not consenting if you have to be persuaded. Consent should be an enthusiastic “yes,” not reluctant agreement. He also says, “what’s the sense in hurtin’ my pride?” As if his pride is more important than her comfort and safety.
It’s not just an old and creepy song, it’s been covered countless times and every year it’s played during the holidays. Little kids all over are listening to the song and learning that date rape isn’t a big deal. They’re learning that women don’t really know what they want and it’s up to men to persuade them and tell them what they should do.
In a time of the #MeToo movement, when we started asking ourselves, “How could anyone do these things?” We should turn to our culture that normalizes assault and blames the victim. This song never forced a man to commit assault but it contributes to a culture that often doesn’t believe women and blames them. To truly dismantle the system of power that keeps men from being punished for assault, we need to change what we think of healthy relationships and consent. This change can come from not listening to songs that romanticize assault, like “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”.
