**DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a real situation or real news, this article was written for comedic purposes and for the purpose of April Fool’s and should not be taken seriously, but we hope you enjoy nonetheless :) **
The recent college admissions scandal has got many wondering what the full depth of the atrocity is and whether there really is any honesty or transparency in our education system.
I like many other Roosevelt students sat on the edge of my seat for hours waiting for every minute update to the breaking story. I frequently checked any news source available to glean any scrap of new information regarding the scandal. Every hour the list of schools involved stretched even further and I, like so many other Roosevelt students, sat waiting in anticipation of a moment I prayed would never come, the day I found out Roosevelt was involved.
In reality, it’s no surprise a school like Roosevelt was the target of the fraudulent scheme, with almost unrivaled nationally renowned athletics programs and facilities for sports anywhere from football to women’s lacrosse, extensive on-campus parking, and education on par with most ivy league colleges Roosevelt has a lot to offer. While many teenagers struggle their entire high school career in a effort to eventually get admitted into a top college like Yale, countless others struggle from birth until their early teens in an incessant grind all the while praying they will be able to get into Roosevelt. The extremely competitive aspect of Roosevelt admissions process has in prior years even led to administration making drastic decisions such as installing portables to allow Roosevelt to accept just a couple of percent more of applicants.
However, Roosevelt’s appeal goes much further than the education. The spacious campus has everything you need from fresh smoothies in lower commons to performances in the theater, exotic locations for homecoming dances, and two-hour parking as far as the eye can see. It just adds to the experience that track, football, and soccer cant use our facilities for competitive events. The facilities were specifically made too small to force fans to go to out of the way to enjoy the games giving a more in-depth immersive feel. Desirable innovative teaching techniques such as these are likely another driving force behind the fraud and the high price tag on Roosevelt admission.
Yet, for many the question still remains, how exactly did they do it? As of now, it would appear that wealthy families would make large donations to fake charities who would then, for a fee, get the money into the hands of various coaches and administrators throughout the country who could, in turn, procure falsified sports scholarships and test scores. Although it is currently unknown who exactly was involved with the fraud perpetrated at Roosevelt it has been discovered that through the use of falsified athlete profiles many wealthy individuals bribed their way into scholarships from the world-renowned training academy known as “RHS Ping Pong Club” gaining them admission into Roosevelt.
We’ve yet to see the conclusion on what will likely remain in infamy as one of Roosevelts largest scandals we can safely say people will be looking a lot closer at the RHS Ping Pong recruits from now on.
