At what point in the history of humanity did a person say to themselves, “Hey, you know what would be good? If we mixed some of these raw eggs with this milk!” Whoever it may have been, the abomination was henceforth created and has lasted since the 14th century. Eggnog is thought to have been founded in medieval England by monks, who have a history of eating scrumptious foods to further their devotion to the church. Monks of this time period enjoy such foods as dark bread, porridge, cheese curds, and turnips (yum!). No wonder eggnog gained such popularity, anything would taste better than eating these four bland things every day. The poor soul who created the monstrosity of lukewarm milk and eggs must have been starved for new flavors.
The sickening sludge does not retain the proper form that a drink should as the slimy consistency is poured down the drinker’s throat. The eggy milky substance forms a film not only along the glass it sits in but also around the drinker’s tongue, only coming off after a quick swish of cold water or the scrub of a much-needed toothbrush.
The only emotion that should be felt when someone mentions eggnog this holiday season is not that of cheer, but rather pity, for the unfortunate person who was in such dire straits that a mixture of warm raw eggs and milk seemed like a refreshingly tasty treat.
