The idea of family is much more complicated than what you may initially think. The word family is very broad and it means something different to everyone. First, let’s define it.
The most basic definition of a family according to Dictionary.com is, “A basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not.” Well, that seems pretty obvious, but is that really what you would consider your family? Is a family really only contained to one household?
The way family is defined is up to you. All families come in different shapes and sizes. The definition of family that you give it may be just your parents and siblings, it could be every relative you have, your pet, or practically anybody. Anybody that makes you feel “at home” and comfortable could be considered family.
Why limit your family to a single unit of people? To me, family is not just bloodline, but friends and people you meet during your life that you become so close to, that you see them as family maybe without even realizing it. Many of my friends I would consider my family, and these people I hold close to my heart the same way I do a family member. In order for a friend to become family, it may take years, but you will know when you can come to them for support and have a strong mutual respect and understanding of each other as people.
There are also different types of families. For example, there are families at home, school families, internet families, sports families, etc. Any community that you belong in could be considered a family as long as you feel comfortable and valued.
To me, the word community can almost be interchangeable with family. A community of people and a family serve many of the same purposes. Both are groups of people meant to be there for you, to put it most simply.
Now, why is family so important, especially right now? Right now we are stuck with our close family, meaning our parents, siblings, maybe even grandparents, but depending on your situation, we are with a small group of people. It may seem like a curse to be stuck with these people, but actually it is a blessing in disguise.
Right now is a perfect time to strengthen your family values as we are probably spending the most time with our family than we have in years. As teenagers and high schoolers, we can quickly become distant from the people we love and almost forget that they are the ones who will always be there for us no matter what. Even I have noticed in myself that I take these people for granted sometimes.
Each family has a different set of values. They may be unspoken and most likely are, but rooted in each family are values that they should accept and enforce. It all relies on you and your family’s specific morals and beliefs to define your own values, but these are the ones that I think to be the most important: honesty, kindness, and acceptance.
Household family values can often be different from non-relative family values and may function differently too, but all families are significant in their own ways. Households, however, require values to function because you are with these people the most. The values I will be discussing relate mostly to you and your relatives, however can be applicable to most communities you consider yourself a part of as well.
Honesty is an absolutely necessary component that each family should hold strongly. Honesty is what makes or breaks a household, and in almost all cases it’s better to tell your family the truth. Learning this the hard way has helped me develop a better idea of honesty and truth and why they are important to a family.
In some situations where honesty is clearly not the best option because your family may be close-minded or less loving than a family should be, it’s likely that these people really shouldn’t be considered family. If the environment built by the parents encourages distrust that is a bad sign. Manipulative and controlling parents may make it hard for honesty to be an important value in your household. In this case, it’s okay to prioritize yourself, and to know that it’s not your fault for the distrust.
However, when you are honest with the people you share mutual love with, it helps grow trust and eliminate any suspicion which can be very detrimental to the relationship. Lies only create problems and deception, so when you feel like lying to your family, maybe reconsider the situation and remember that they are there for you, and bringing truth to every conversation will grow the bond you have together and help you learn for the future.
Another value I consider very important to a family is kindness. Kindness may be the most obvious value, and yet it is oftentimes one of the hardest to uphold. Treating your family with kindness is one of the easiest ways of appreciating them. A compliment, a hug, anything that could make their day a little bit better can go a long way.
Unconditional love is probably one of the first things you will hear in any conversation relating to family. Unconditional love is important but can be more damaging than you may think. This idea of loving your family no matter what is bad and gives an excuse to treat your family poorly because “well they’re my family and no matter what I do they will love me.” Unconditional love is good to have because if these people are really people who you can safely call family, you should love them no matter what, but monitor yourself to make sure you aren’t taking advantage of this notion and make sure you always treat them with kindness.
The last value that I consider to be very important to a family is acceptance. I can’t stress enough why this value is so necessary, but each family should absolutely uphold this value amongst themselves. Accepting your family members for who they are and what they strive for is what will help you become closer and more comfortable with them the easiest. When you are around your family you should be yourself, so a family that will accept you for who you are is the key to loving and accepting yourself.
Acceptance is a two-way street. If you are able to accept your family for who they are, they are more likely to be themselves rather than shielding parts of their identity that would be seen as undesirable. Acceptance allows people to be more communicative with their family also as they are more open to each other and talking about their personal issues or boundaries.
There are many other values that a family may consider important such as forgiveness, patience, integrity, acceptance, commitment, responsibility, sacrifice, communication, love, the list goes on.
However, this raises the question of whether love and family are always synchronous. Not everyone within your bloodline has to be considered family if you don’t feel loved by them. They may be your “family” but are they really? To me, someone you may even share blood with does not have to be family if you aren’t comfortable around them and valued by them. Family is a feeling and should not be reduced to your relatives, especially if they don’t respect some of the values listed above or ones that you consider important.
In the end, a family is supposed to love and support you no matter what. They are supposed to support the decisions you make and help you grow from the bad ones. They are there to love you when you most need it and give you space if necessary.
A family can be whatever you want it to be and that’s why they are so magical. The importance of families in our lives and how they impact and change us is what makes us human, and is what allows us to grow together as people.
