Why Birthdays Are Stupid

Since the day they are born, children are taught to celebrate their birthdays as a special day just for them. On birthdays, everything is supposed to go exactly right and everyone is supposed to be overwhelmingly kind towards the birthday boy or girl. But this train of thought leads to entitled children that become entitled adults.

Doesn’t it seem a little silly to even congratulate someone on the effort of their parents bringing them into the world? Why does that give everyone a free pass to spend a day every year randomly placing the words “it’s my birthday” into sentences they don’t really make sense in? Society has made us feel like we need this gratification to live, as if of all the things we’ve accomplished in a year, the only thing worth celebrating is the day our mothers did all the work to get us here. Here’s a big secret: if no one congratulates you on your birthday, you still get older! Crazy.

From a young age, children are expected to play hostess for other bratty children every year, in return for whatever Target gifts the guests’ parents thought were appropriate for children of the hosts age and gender. They’re even supposed to bring treats for every child in their classrooms, and are rewarded with having to listen to a bunch of elementary-age children’s badly out of tune singing. Or rather, their parents are expected to supply these treats, just so that their children feel special for making it out of the womb.

Birthdays are so unnecessarily valued that they have become an acceptable per-scheduled event, readily available to get anyone out of homework and sporting events they don’t feel they can’t possibly attend, seeing as they will be busy celebrating themselves and growing old.

In the age of social media, birthdays have also become an excuse to send two-word messages to acquaintances you haven’t seen in years instead of trying to actually rekindle your relationship. That leaves the special birthday boy/girl will the lovely task of replying to hundreds of less-than-genuine messages with equally as genuine thank-yous. Yet if someone refrains from announcing their birthday, any sleuth who finds out feels obligated to act offended by their stolen opportunity to fulfill their karma quotas by saying “happy birthday.”

Birthdays are just another byproduct of marketing that encourages us to spend money on things we don’t need. To have an acceptable party, on must use precious helium on balloons, wear a cardboard dunce cap, and receive generic birthday cards where the only effort anyone’s put into them is signing their name.

Even as people grow, birthdays continue to be a near-mandatory celebration. The Oriental-Trading themed parties may change to excuses for drinking way too much to painful reminders of old-age; the gifts may change from stuffed animals to twenty dollar bills to magnets with puns about growing old. But what will never change is the feeling that everyone must have one day a year when they feel like the most important person the room.

Birthdays will continue to happen. Every year, people will congratulate each other on their continued existence, until the year comes when people no longer enjoy getting older, when conversation will turn to jokes about the youth people wish they had. Everyone will pat themselves on the back for growing up. But maybe now and then, a special birthday person should take a few moments to think about all the things they’ve actually worked to accomplish, what they’ve actually had a hand in changing, and celebrate that instead.

4 thoughts on “Why Birthdays Are Stupid

  1. I completely agree. I want to ban birthdays. It’s become all about spending money. Combine that with Christmas, a celebration I also hate, people seem to be ok with going broke! My 10 yo niece recently sent me a list that she texted me from her iPhone labeled ‘stuff I want’. Sure you can want want want. I blame the parents, which in this case is my sister , for not instilling the value of working hard and the reality of what it takes to earn money. The text really opened my eyes to what our society has evolved to. Shame, really.

  2. Now days with social media and school, college and office groups, we end up spending a ton of time wishing and commenting on birthdays and anniversaries of people we hardly know or care about. Also with our birthdays and anniversaries being know on such sites also leads to many sundry people commenting on our birthdays. It is all an exercise in vanity and a waste of time. But can we say that on the social media – NO because it would hurt people – who do not really undersand and may conside you rude and hateful. :-D That is the contradiction we have to live with, I guess.

  3. Having a fairly large family – 4 parents, 5 siblings, all married, 13 nieces and nephews – 27 people – always somebody’s birthday. My niece won’t talk to me now because I forgot her birthday.

    One of those parents became so irritated when I refused party. Now she definitely ignores it – so I think that is a good outcome.

    Better days of the past – never have I ever received a b day gift from an aunt or uncle – none of the 7 – or their wives – and I still talk to them. Prefer the days when I didn’t hear from randos because of Facebk which I no longer participate in.

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